Murphy in the Pew

Next to the Law of Gravity, one of the most inescapable universal truths is undoubtedly Murphy's Law: "If anything can go wrong, it will -- and at the worst possible moment."

A wide-ranging set of principles and corollaries have sprung up that make Murphy look like an optimist. When the Murphologists began looking at the church, here were some of their observations:

The year's lowest attendance occurs when the district superintendent makes a surprise visit.

Members living 15 miles away will be 15 minutes early; members living two blocks away will be 15 minutes late.

Film projectors work only before the service begins.

When all five points of the sermon begin with the same letter, people don't even remember the letter.

Saying "Let us pray" or singing "Just As I Am" causes babies to cry.

Two weeks before the new parsonage is completed, you'll be moved to a different church.

When you're right, nobody remembers; when you're wrong, nobody forgets.

The previous pastor is to blame for everything wrong in the church -- until his successor leaves.

Nothing is so bad that it can't be made worse by changing pastors.

The shorter the agenda the longer the meeting.

No matter how many show up for choir practice, you need one more copy of the music.

Arguments for tabling a motion are always better than those for taking a vote.

Church furnaces and air conditioners rest on Sunday.

Absent choir members all sing the same part.

Concern for needy people increases with distance.

Car problems, overtime traffic, and sick headaches increase on visitation night.

Door-to-door visitation is most enjoyed when no one is home.