Pat Krantz: A bereaved parent who comforts others

Pat Krantz lost her 9-week-old baby, Michael, in 1975 during open heart surgery. Well-meaning friends and family tried to comfort her: "You're so young [22 at the time]; you can have another baby" or "You have one healthy child already; you should be thankful." Yes, Pat was thankful for her healthy child, but also devastated by her baby's death.

For two years, she floundered, trying to understand the "craziness of grief." Her mother, who had lost three children, offered comfort. But a contact outside the family helped, too. Pat met Cheryl, another grieving mother, at the Mayo Clinic, where Michael's operation had taken place. Cheryl's faith and her background as a nurse helped Pat to open up through a steady stream of letters.

That journey through heartache led Pat to form a "Bereaved Parents Support Group" in Madison, Wisconsin. At first, the gathering of parents twice a month was small. But word spread. Over a 10-year period, Pat has reached more than 900 local families. This ministry, which adds 60 to 75 new families each year, has accelerated her spiritual growth, she says.

She also grew in other ways. With input from professionals and parents, Pat wrote a booklet covering concerns such as autopsies, grief, marriage, and subsequent children. Today that material is used by healthcare professionals in all 50 states and across the world.

In 1982, the unthinkable happened again to Pat Krantz and her husband, Joe. Their son, Matthew, was still-born midway through the pregnancy.

"Everything I did right turned out wrong," Pat says. "I took great care of myself--I don't smoke or drink, and I had the best doctor. But it still happened."

Pat admits this loss was worse than the first one in some ways. "I ranted at God, wanting to know what I did to deserve this pain again. But God listened and eventually gave me peace." A peace, she says, to be content without all the answers.

During the Christmas season five years ago, Pat initiated an annual memorial service for her group of bereaved parents. "The holidays are so geared toward children, it is especially difficult for these parents," Pat, herself a mother of five living children, explains.

The first year, her group decorated a Christmas tree with lace ribbons, a remembrance of each child. A father volunteered to write a song. Pat describes the time as sacred. "If you could measure success by tears, it was a huge success."