OK, I'll admit it: I'm no computer whiz. I hardly know a gigabyte from a mosquito bite.

And it looks like I'm not alone. Just ask any technical support helper at any of the major computer companies. Here are some of their stories (and they're all true!):

--One computer company is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key," because of all the calls asking where the "Any" key is!

--A caller complained that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The "cover" was the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in!

--A caller was told to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer with photocopies of the floppies!

--A caller was told to put his floppy back in the drive and close the door. The caller asked the technician to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the floor to close the door to his room!

--A caller said his computer's fax wasn't working. Apparently, he'd been holding a document up to the screen and hitting the "send" key!

--A caller said her computer wouldn't turn on, explaining, "I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal, and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse!

Finally, here's a real conversation between a caller and a technician:

Tech: "How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting it fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. Did you receive this as part of a promotional? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

After a few more minutes, the techie figured out the caller had been using his CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and had snapped it off the machine!