Here are a few lessons that humor columnist Dave Barry says took him 50 years to learn.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. Never lick a steak knife.

5. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.