According to researcher Elizabeth Marquardt, many people in our society have bought into "the myth of the good divorce." But after the first national study of the inner lives of children of divorce, Marquardt concluded, "We found that even young people who grew up in a so-called 'good divorce,' one in which their divorced parents got along reasonably well and stayed involved in their lives, still suffered negative effects." For example:

• Twice as many children of divorce say they felt like a different person with each of their parents (43 percent versus 21 percent).
• More than three times as many agreed with the statement: "I was alone a lot as a child." Seven times as many "strongly agreed."
• Two-thirds of kids from intact families went to a parent when they needed comfort. Only one-third of children of divorce did the same; they were more likely to turn to friends or siblings.
• Sixty-four percent say life was stressful in their family, compared with 25 percent for intact families.
• Three times as many say they love their mother but don't respect her. Four times as many say they love their father but don't respect him.
• Over 50 percent of young adults from divorced families say that family life after the divorce was stressful, as compared to 6 percent from happy marriages, and 35 percent from unhappy but low-conflict marriages.
• 53 percent say they experienced many losses in their lives, as compared to 37 percent from happy marriages and 42 percent from unhappy but low-conflict marriages.

Marquardt summarizes the study by stating: "The idea that a 'good' divorce is good for children is popular. But we found that while an amicable or 'good' divorce is better than a bad divorce, it is inaccurate and misleading to describe the children's experience as 'good.'"