Writing in The New York Times, marriage therapist Lori Gottlieb notes one of the many damaging effects of viewing pornography: it doesn't lead to mutual self-giving or reciprocity. Instead, it leads to a "me-first" approach to relationships. Gottlieb notes that the essence of porn is all about the needs of the porn viewer. For instance, you will never see a porn video where the woman says, "Honey, you stink, could you take a shower first?" Instead, Gottlieb writes:

The archetype of the porn [actress] is that she's a woman who derives sexual pleasure by giving the man pleasure, and—here's the key—everything she does is absolutely perfect! What you don't see in porn is anything that needs to be negotiated, the woman having needs of her own or the roles being reversed.