In many ways, Rick and Kay Warren, one of the most public ministry couples in America, seemed to have the ideal marriage. But Kay Warren admits that their relationship descended into what she calls "marriage hell." Married at the age of 21, brand-new marriage took an instant nosedive. Kay Warren writes:

We didn't even make it to the end of our two-week honeymoon to British Columbia before we knew our relationship was in serious trouble. We had been warned about five areas of potential conflict all couples have to deal with, and we immediately jumped into all five of them: sex, communication, money, children, and in-laws. … Then we argued about our arguments and began to layer resentment on top of resentment, it was a perfect setup for misery and disenchantment.

Healing started to come, but it was an agonizing process. Kay writes:

I don't approach this subject from the Hallmark-card version of marriage but from the blood, sweat, and tears of the trenches where our marriage was forged and is sustained. I know what it's like to choose to build our relationship; to seek marriage counseling again and again; to allow our small group and our family into the struggle; to determine one more time to say, "Let's start over" and "Please forgive me, I was wrong" and "I forgive you." I know what it's like to admit that my way isn't the only way to see the world and to try to imagine what it's like to be on the other side of me; to choose to focus on what is good and right and honorable in my husband instead of what drives me crazy; to turn attraction to another man into attraction to my husband. … I know what it's like to be cracked open by catastrophic grief and to share it with your spouse when you're so different.

Each of us is not who the other was looking for, but each of us is who the other desperately needed to become the person we each are today. Yet, it's also been the very best thing that has ever happened to either of us. We wouldn't be who we are today without each other … The shrieks of iron sharpening iron have often sounded like gears grinding on bare metal, but the result has been profound personal growth in both of us.