New York Times Columnist Ezra Klein notes his theory why the Internet feels “so crummy” these days. It puts us into “shame closets.” He explains:

A shame closet is that spot in your home where you cram the stuff that has nowhere else to go… It can be a garage or a room or a chest of drawers… as the shame closet grows, the task of excavation or organization becomes too daunting to contemplate.

The shame closet era of the internet had a beginning. It was 20 years ago that Google unveiled Gmail… Everyone wanted in. But you had to be invited. I remember jockeying for one of those early invites...I felt lucky. I felt chosen.

A few months ago, I euthanized that Gmail account. I have more than a million unread messages in my inbox. Most of what’s there is junk. But not all of it… According to iCloud, I have more than 23,000 photos and almost 2,000 videos resting somewhere on Apple’s servers. I have tens of thousands of songs liked somewhere on Spotify. How many conversations do I have stored in Messages, in WhatsApp, in Signal, in Twitter and Instagram and Facebook DMs? There is so much I loved in those archives... But I can’t find what matters in the morass. I’ve given up on trying.

The social networks made it easy for anyone we’ve ever met, and plenty of people we never met, to friend and follow us. We could communicate with them all at once without communing with them individually at all. Or so we were told. The idea that we could have so much community with so little effort was an illusion. We are digitally connected to more people than ever and terribly lonely nevertheless. Closeness requires time, and time has not fallen in cost or risen in quantity.