As of 2021, around 25% of 40-year-old Americans are not married—the highest percentage ever recorded. In his book, Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization, Brad Wilcox argues that marriage is more important than ever for individuals and for the country. Based on his research he offers two reasons for the flight from marriage.

First, there’s what he calls the “Midas mind-set,” where too many younger Americans assume that life is about education, money, and especially work. One Pew study found that for Americans in general, 71% thought having a job or career they enjoy is the path toward fulfillment and getting married was the path for only 23%.

Wilcox was talking to a graduate student who had a clear plan for schooling and work, and then Wilcox asked, “What’s your plan about marriage and dating?” And there was silence. The student didn’t have a plan. Wilcox said, “I think that’s part of the challenge — that people are not being intentional enough about seeking opportunities to meet, date, and marry young adults in their world.”

Second, there’s what Wilcox calls the “soul mate myth”—the idea that there’s some perfect person out there waiting for you. Once you find them and love them and then marry them, you’ll have this perfect connection that engenders intense emotional connection, sense of romance, passion that in turn leads you to be happy and fulfilled most of the time. Wilcox argues, “Any kind of serious relationship, including marriage, is going to be at times deeply challenging and hard and require a lot of work.”